New Beginnings

New state of being = new blog.


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Embracing the Quiet

I think red is a good color for me. Today wasn’t special in anyway, but I felt like wearing a pretty halter dress to cheer myself up.  Color therapy works!

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My Fishtank

I like this picture because you can see all 3 species of fish I have in the tank. The neon tetras, the albino cardinals and the venezuelan guppies. They each have their own quirks and personalities, and the tank is becoming quite a cosmopolitan fish society. The guppies are calm and friendly, the cardinals are active and sporty and are extremely sensitive to movement and sound in my room, and the venezuelan guppies eat everything they can get their fins on. The different species do mingle, but stay with their own types most of the time. They don’t really pick fights but are sometimes seen chasing each other around the tank, more in jest than aggression.

I took my afternoon tea at the Far Coast Cafe, nicely located just off Orchard Road’s main shopping district. I like the ambience there, because its got lovely seating, good cakes, wraps and drinks, and a pleasantly quiet clientele, even on weekend evenings. I had iced gingermoon tea today, which was absolutely refreshing.

I am easing into a new state of being, a more thoughtful, quiet and observant psyche. It feels like the storm has passed, and that I am finally calm.

Perhaps this is the beginning of the healing process.

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This is the OM symbol… it is NOT the Halal sign, it is not the number “30” or “3D”… it is not the ‘yoga symbol’ or the namaste, but is related to yoga practice in that it is a mantra used in meditation that yoga prepares the physical body for.

‘Om’ is the primal sound or vibration from which the entire universe constantly emanates. It is the sound of creative departure and return. The sounding of ‘Om’ is the beginning of a transformative process which delivers us to a state of awareness enabling us to actually experience identity with the supreme Creative Principle.

Only 1 person who has seen it on me, has accurately recognised it.

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This Pain Must Pass

I could not help but feel a sense of deja vu, sitting at the river, and having that conversation that ripped my heart out of my chest and shattered my esteem to pieces. I am in extreme pain, and am very sad, frustrated and angry at myself for being the fool in doing so many things wrongly, and in not being the person that I should have been in order to not feel this way right now. Such things never work out for me, and I ought never have believed that I deserved fulfillment in that aspect of my life, no matter how much I dared to hope that I could aspire for joy there. I feel so empty, torn apart and that I am worthless, foolish and unloveable. The tears flow freely now, and there have been moments since last night, that I have broken down, sobbing inconsolably.

I have thought so much, of suicide in the last 2 months, and even started psycho-therapy because I knew I just couldn’t deal with things.  I’ve had so much problems coping with work because I’ve been preoccupied by all of this. I’ve been a wreck, and now, all that remains is numbness, and an unbearable pain.

He doesn’t realize how much of him I’ve assimilated into myself, how much of what I believe in and hold dear, is so because of his influence. There was only one other person who mattered this much, and there is still so much of her that is now a part of who I am today, and that was 8 years ago. What has become evident to me, is the fact that my behaviour thus far, has been childish, attention seeking, and that I am emotionally draining to handle. All this being told to me by various sources, all of whom, know me long enough and well enough to be able to pass suitable judgement.

Its going to be a while before I’ll be alright.

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Apparently, if you walk around the little fountain inside the big fountain 3 times, and make 3 wishes while touching the water with your right hand, you will get lucky.

I found an OM pendant in sterling silver, well crafted and nicely sized. I never knew I was looking for one until I chanced upon it and realized that it was exactly what I needed and wearing it makes me feel absolutely right. 🙂

Oysters on steroids… or viagra, or something. Man they were HUGE! I had 3 of these and pretty much had my fill of oysters. To get a load of the size, look at the size of the slice of lemon and the tongs in relation to the damn things.

I like ’em big, but not so big! 😉

Oh and when I saw these at TOPSHOP I literally burst out laughing… because Len’s yappy little poof of a pomeranian is named Foxy!  😀

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I slept from 2am to 10.30am! 🙂 *relaxed*

Am not quite sure if the concept of sleep debt holds true, and whether one can really ‘replenish’ lost sleep, but at least today, I finally feel rested and that a huge weight has been lifted off my aching shoulders. I’m deliberately suppressing my natural urge to obsess and fret, and am trying to enjoy this moment of being alright with everything, and with everything being alright. Today, I’ll have to take care of all the things I’ve not had the space to handle in the last week of mayhem. Its good to be back, and I’m in an indulgent mood today, which makes it not so good that I’m about to leave for a yoga class situated in Singapore’s BIGGEST shopping mall. 😛

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